new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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