just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
