even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
