she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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