I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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