I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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