I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
