where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
