I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
