Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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