guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
