Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
