i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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