I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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