Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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