Me too!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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