he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
