it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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