I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
