:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize