I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she woke up with a sticky ear
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
