not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
