dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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