he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize