She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
