OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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