1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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