Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I checked into jail on foursquare
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
