I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
