No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm passing your future prison.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
