two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
