Don't make out with my wife yet
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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