The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
