somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
