and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
