His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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