i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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