I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
