How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize