Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize