I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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