hotel room ftw
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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