sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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