The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
