Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize