YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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