I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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