Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
