Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize