you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
nutella sex= disaster
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sext me about skeletons
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
