Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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