your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I need moral support for this bender
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
