evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Randomize
