look no pants
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
