i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
