Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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