She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
