i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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