I think I just saw someone hide a body.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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