im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
