She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
