Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
