i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
