Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
