Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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