I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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