Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
