So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
