I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
