Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
