Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Randomize
