Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
