i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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