You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
